“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; Remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ~ Epicurus

It's mum not mom. Also, better said with a slight British accent...

She's all mine! 

On Thursday 29 December 2011 at 11:45 a.m. was the adoption of Brisa BellaMae Hoober - Formally known on the internet as MissyB. The adoption was easily prepared for us with the help of attorneys at Shook, Hardy & Bacon. The court proceedings were preformed before the Honorable Lawrence Sheppard in Olathe Kansas. 

Our new family with Judge Sheppard

After the adoption proceedings, we headed to Smokin' Joe's BBQ in Olathe Kansas with family and friends for a good old BBQ meat feast.

Brisa BellaMae with the Laughton girls

It's been a road of ups and downs. It's nice to say we are a family now. 2011 has been a year of major changes.

Grama with my mother, May 2009

Grama in hospital, November 2011 

Several nights ago I had a dream about my Grama. 

She came with my husband, our newly adopted daughter Brisa and our foster baby Peanut to some formal event. Somewhere not here in Kansas City, like we were staying in a bed and breakfast. I have vage flashes of suitcases and a curling iron... Scrambling through luggage, looking for makeup - Frantically trying to find my powder compact and lipliner.

My dream was so different. As if I was dreaming and talking to her like maybe she saw herself once upon a time, or how she wanted me to see her in my dream. I did her hair and makeup for this event we were attending. Helped her around, since she was still a bit fragile on her feet, but she looked amazing. She was so happy to be with us and our family. She held Peanut and commented what a beautiful daughter we ended up with and was very happy to be with us. 

I'm sad I moved so far away to start my family and I'm really sorry you all didn't get to meet our daughter in person. 

After rolling over in bed late that night, I kept wondering if Grama will visit me again in a dream. Maybe with my Poppa this time? I've lit several candles multiple times on the 29th. Especially on our adoption day for Brisa... The very same day my Poppa died in back in 2006. I guess I've been having a bit of a mini seance which may seem a bit crazy. So I've been lighting one candle for Poppa, one for my Grama and one for my mother. I do miss you all so much. Please visit me in my dreams anytime you like, in any form you choose - It's cool. Watch over my family and keep us safe. I love talking to you, wherever you all are. XXOO ~ali

"We are what we think. Everything we are arises from our thoughts. With our thinking we create the world. Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” - Buddha

I used to hope it would be that way for us. But it is not going to be that easy.

"I'm glad mom can't have a baby"

Tonight, that comment left me with a bit of whiplash. Made me very angry despondent to here our long time foster daughter utter such an insensitive remark.


I had some responses to see if she understood what a comment like that, how a comment like that, could deeply hurt someone inside. Words stick I told her, and once they are said, it is hard to take them back. All week I've been saying treat others as you would want to be treated. This was not one of these moments. I'm very sensitive about the subject of my infertility, and when someone this naive about the subject says something rather cruel in passing, it really makes my blood boil.


1) How would you feel inside, if I told you, I wished you were never born? Would that be a hurtful thing to say to you?


2) When your foster father comes home, tell him that you are happy that his wife is defective and cannot have babies - see what he says. If you think it is okay to tell me that, then it should be okay to tell him.


3) Do you really think, with my background, with my family struggles, that even if I could have my own children, I wouldn't do foster care and take other young people into our lives? Clearly I'm not in this for the loving words and gestures shown to my family. I'm more in it for the rehabilitation of broken little souls. Remarks like this are hurtful ➜ upsetting ➜ extremely ➜ unpleasant. Learn some manners and put a filter on your mouth!!

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I'm reminded of a time when I said to my mother, about a guy she had been dating for many years whom I liked, that I thought she only wanted to marry him for his money. She left the room and didn't speak to me for an entire weekend. I was forbidden to go to the homecoming fair with my friends. I was left to cry in my room for the next 50 hours, with nobody to talk to. My mother went to bed and didn't get up for several days after my remark. What I said hurt, but she had no fight in her to defend my comment. Clearly I struck a nerve with her also. 

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If I'm wrong to bombard my foster child with questions directed towards empathy and compassion for others, how will she ever learn the concept? If I can turn an off putting remark into something that will enlighten her feelings, maybe she might open her eyes on occasion and think about how she makes others feel with her words. I never want to end up in a situation they way my mother treated me - she couldn't even tell me what I said was wrong, or why it upset her.


Putting someone's needs or feelings before your own seems hard to grasp in this house with the older children who stay with us. The 3 year old twins I babysit, thoughtfully do it each day for one another though. I'm hopeful that the young ones can inspire the older children to be better people.  Each day is a challenge and I thought it might be easier, but it is not going to be that easy.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C. S. Lewis