Love who you want to love

"Many LGBT youth can't picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can't imagine a future for themselves. So let's show them what our lives are like, let's show them what the future may hold in store for them." The "It Gets Better" Project from a CBSNews report (Video)

What is the It Gets Better Project? (Collected from:www.itgetsbetter.org)

Growing up isn’t easy. Many young people face daily tormenting and bullying, leading them to feel like they have nowhere to turn. This is especially true for LGBT kids and teens, who often hide their sexuality for fear of bullying. Without other openly gay adults and mentors in their lives, they can't imagine what their future may hold. In many instances, gay and lesbian adolescents are taunted — even tortured — simply for being themselves.

Justin Aaberg, Billy Lucas, Cody Barker, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Raymond Chase and Tyler Clementi. They were tragic examples of youth who could not believe that it does actually get better.

While many of these teens couldn’t see a positive future for themselves, we can. The It Gets Better Project was created to show young LGBT people the levels of happiness, potential, and positivity their lives will reach – if they can just get through their teen years. The It Gets Better Project wants to remind teenagers in the LGBT community that they are not alone — and it WILL get better.

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In September 2010, syndicated columnist and author Dan Savage created a YouTube video with his partner Terry to inspire hope for young people facing harassment. In response to a number of students taking their own lives after being bullied in school, they wanted to create a personal way for supporters everywhere to tell LGBT youth that, yes, it does indeed get better.

Two months later, the It Gets Better Project (TM) has turned into a worldwide movement, inspiring over 5000 user-created videos and over 15 million views. To date, the project has received submissions from celebrities, organizations, activists, politicians and media personalities, including President Barack Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Adam Lambert, Anne Hathaway, Colin Farrell, Matthew Morrison of "Glee", Joe Jonas, Joel Madden, Ke$ha, Sarah Silverman, Tim Gunn, Ellen DeGeneres, Suze Orman, the staffs of The Gap, Google and Facebook, the Broadway community, and many more. For us, every video changes a life. It doesn’t matter who makes it.

The website www.itgetsbetterproject.com is a place where young people who are lesbian, gay, bi, or trans can see how love and happiness can be a reality in their future.  It’s a place where our straight allies can visit and support their friends and family members.  It’s a place where people can share their stories, take the It Gets Better Project pledge, watch videos of love and support, and seek help through the Trevor Project and GLSEN.

Who is Dan Savage?

Dan Savage is author of the internationally syndicated relationship and sex column Savage Love and the weekly podcast Savage Lovecast. He is editorial director of the Seattle weekly The Stranger, where he was formerly Editor-in-Chief. He is a regular to contributor to PRI's "This American Life" and has been featured as a Real Time Reporter on HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher."

Dan heard about the suicides of Justin Aaberg and Billy Lucas and had a reaction so many LGBT adults had. “I wish I could’ve talked to that kid for five minutes before he killed himself,” Dan recently said. “I’d tell him that however bad it was in high school or middle school...it gets better.” The It Gets Better Project was born.

Listen to Dan and his partner Terry talk about their stories and how the project came to be:

For more videos go to:

www.itgetsbetter.org/video or search the words "It Gets Better" on Youtube

Here, for all to enjoy an IT GETS BETTER music video by: Rebecca Drysdale, Posted 1/3/11, with 90,672+ views by 1/16/11 (NSFW do to explicit lyrics) 

(LYRICS) IT GETS BETTER ♪♫♬♭

Amanda is in gym class where the kids go to get fit,

But her eye’s not on the ball at all -- it’s on Ms. Foster’s tits.

She’s got a dirty little secret (“shhh”) that everybody knows.

She came out, but she wishes she had left the closet closed.

And here is little Davey hiding in the piano room,

Playing Wicked, Rent, Chicago, Cats and Brigadoon.

He’s hiding from the locker room and jocks who roam the halls,

Where he’s safe from wedgies, shiners and destruction of his balls…

But when they call you weirdos, fags, and rejects, flamers, gays and hags,

Baby dykes and homotikes, Lesbos, homos, and queer bags,

It might seem like it’s hopeless and will never be ok,

But listen to the ones who care -- believe them when they say:

IT GETS BETTER

One day you’ll look back and you won’t give a fuck

When your swimming through your pussy vault like Scrooge Fucking McDuck.

And when you’re snatching your first Grammy -- super glammy lookin’ slick --

It won’t be much time till they get in line for a chance to suck your dick.

IT GETS BETTER

It wasn’t long till they told Johnny that he wasn’t normal

When he wore a strapless gown and high heels to his junior formal.

But the cool guys they felt passionately that his chosen fashion

Was a rationalization for a rash of Johnny bashin’.

Everyone made fun of Shannon cause she kissed a girl.

So she hid her head and closed her mouth and shut out all the world.

She is brilliant, smart and funny, kind and talented -- but hey --

It doesn’t matter what she is cause all she is to them is gay.

But when they call you carpet munchers, fudge packers, and queens,

Lesbians in training, Marys, Nelly, Nancy teens,

It might seem like you’re different, weird, unusual or strange,

But hang in there cause things have always and will always change.

IT GETS BETTER

Jon’s a stylist and he’s gotten pretty far.

Now he doesn’t get his ass kicked but his ass kissed by the stars.

And when Shannon got to college she met people just like her,

And she realized who the d-bags and the fuckheads really were.

IT GETS BETTER

Jane Lynch, Boy George, Versace,

Adam Lambert, Liberace,

Elton, Tim Gunn, Michael Stype,

Ellen, Rosie, Wanda Sykes.

Jodie Foster, Linda Perry

Gandalf the Wizard? -- actually a fairy.

Simon Amstell, K.D. Lang.

Even Brando like some wang.

Rachel Maddow (huge muff diver),

Richard Hatch who won Survivor,

Nathan Lane, Truman Capote,

Even Obiwan Kenobi.

Billy Joe from Greenday’s bi,

Ricky Martin --- big surprise!

Doogie Howser -- what a showman.

Dave Hyde Pierce and all the Romans.

Tommy Tune and Alvin Ailey,

Meredith Baxter, Leisha Hailey.

Lohan, Paquin both are bi.

Boy George and George Takei.

Cher has a transgendered child.

George Michael and Oscar Wild,

Everyone involved in Glee,

One-tenth of everyone you know -- and me!

All of them were just like you.

It got better for them, and it will for you too.

IT GETS BETTER

If you’re gay or bi or something in between,

There’s no one who is meaner than a bunch of asshole teens.

Those assholes are the first people that you will soon forget

When you’re living life and learning how much better it can get….

☼  ☼  ☼

Goodbye 2010 - A year of change

As the holidays approached, I found myself quicker to tears on occasion. The last 11 months have been a challenge and a gift at the same time. We have a foster child, and with that comes tantrums, disobedience, anger and tears. We all know how to behave, but showing an emotional reaction isn't always the right solution. Especially when you are being tested on a daily basis. We've had an upswing in behaviour changes over these last few months with the holidays. It's emotional trauma time, and as clear as day, I can remember loads of it from way back when. If anyone thinks I go overboard with Christmas, well... maybe I do. I've certainly calmed down over the years. It is something I can almost control if I drink enough in a good way. I'm aiming for special, and with the friends we've made here over the years, I think we have done really well.

Our child is a "professional foster child" which means: She has been in foster care long enough to know how to work the system and how the system works. When we talk about a permanent home, or she tells us she wants us to adopt her, I don't let emotion slip in… I calmly say it is forever - there is no going back. You can't leave because you decide you don't like us anymore. However, my reaction to her announcement is seen as hurtful. Rose petals and unicorns should dance at this notion, and we should all break out into song like a musical. ♩♪♫♬♭ Errr... um... no. That's Disney - that's not real family.

Christmas time isn't my most favorite time of the year. I lost my grandfather Poppa several years ago, just days after Christmas. My husband's father passed last year. Our daughter has been separated from a sibling for the first time ever, and has a deep hole in her heart. I found myself one evening, driving home from a garden club Christmas party, suddenly crying.  A clear feeling emerged: I made pumpkin pie that night - It was his favorite. The very last thing I remember making for my Poppa before he died. 

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We came up for Canadian Thanksgiving with husband about 5ish years ago? I convinced the family I would make a traditional Thanksgiving meal at cousins house. We had the whole family around one table; About nine adults and four children. When it came down to the pie, Poppa did his usual back handed comment that it wasn't spiced the way he liked. Which was not really my fault, since I didn't bring my spices from home, so I ended up using some of the old ones my grandmother Grama had on hand. Oh… and I made him eat it with real whipped cream from a cow, not that petroleum based Cool Whip crap like he was accustomed to eating. 

The day we left for home, I came early to say goodbye at their apartment. It was 8:00 in the morning. My grandmother Grama was in the shower with her Nurse's aide. Poppa was sitting at the table, with entire pie plate in front of him, eating my "not spiced as he would have liked" pie for breakfast. This is one of my last memories of him. Now, each time I make a pumpkin pie (from scratch people, NO CANS) I always spice it for him, with extra ginger, fresh grated nutmeg and cinnamon. If he ate my pie today, he'd never complain. Now I make a point of travelling with my own favorite spices. Who knows when I might need some.

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As we were driving home with tears streaming down my face, I felt compelled to tell my daughter some truth about life. When someone dies, they are gone - we are left with memories of them, sometimes heirlooms or small treasures of their life. We can do good deeds in memory of them, spread stories about them or re-tell famous family anecdotes, the way they told them. Their spirit is not forgotten. When you are separated from someone you love who is still alive, like a sister or brother... time often heals by bringing people back together.

It is not easy or fair that you must accept that a person: 

Who is part of you + Who you love = Is out of reach

• Write them letters, poems, drawings. Make a box for them of your dreams
• Remember them and know that you will be reunited again 
• Live as you wish they would live = happy and healthy 
• Continue to be a big sister or brother as a role model, even when distance divides

I can't get on the phone anymore and talk to my Poppa. The closest I can get to him now is in my dreams… but we do manage to have some pretty good conversations.